Micro Misconcepts

15th August 2025

Issue# 006

The counter-intuitive way to build meaningful relationships

Here’s a question that might sting a bit - how many of your current relationships actually feel meaningful?

I used to think I was an extreme introvert because I felt completely drained after most social interactions. I’d actively dodge social invitations, overwhelmed just by the thought of going.

But then something curious happened. A few rare interactions left me craving for more instead of crashing from the social hangover. What was different?

The lightbulb moment hit me: I wasn't exhausted by people—I was exhausted by performing for them.

Those few interactions that actually energized me? I let my guard down - I was being myself.

The energy-draining interactions had one feature in common: I was constantly monitoring my words, editing my personality, and walking on eggshells. I was running a one-person theater show, and it was draining the life out of me.

Turns out I was caught in (arguably) one of the strongest psychological defaults, the people-pleasing trap. It’s hardwired into us, driven by our fundamental need to belong and avoid social rejection. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to belong, the trouble comes when we start filtering our authentic selves to fit what we think others want to see.

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A life resource argument to be authentic

In the short-term, you avoid the pain of social rejection. But in the long term, you incur even more pain by building hollow relationships with people you don’t even like.

There’s another way - though it requires some upfront pain.

Be courageously authentic

When you show up unfiltered, something magical happens. You naturally attract people who genuinely like what they see and repel those who don't. It's like having a built-in relationship filter that saves years of wasted life resources.

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The net outcome is having the right people in your life while expending fewer mental resources - win-win.

Being authentic is the ultimate relationship efficiency hack.

I won't pretend this is easy—watching people walk away when you stop performing for them stings, even when you don’t really like that person (thank you evolution). But here’s a reframe: your authentic self just filtered out someone who wasn’t meant to be in your life.

When you remember how short life is, choosing the win-win path (less effort and better relationships) becomes a no-brainer.

Sahil Bloom summarises this beautifully

Question for you:

If you stopped performing tomorrow, which relationships would survive?

Thanks for reading!

Learn more at https://misconcepts.kit.com/67493256c0​

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