Micro Misconcepts

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Where to Aim High (and Where to Let Go)

28th November 2025 | misconcepts.org

Last week, I shared how unmet expectations lead to suffering and how lowering our expectations helps us find contentment.

But here's the question that's probably nagging at you: "Doesn't that mean settling for less?”

I wrestled with this too. Here’s what I discovered: the wisdom isn't in having low expectations everywhere – it's in knowing where to aim high and where to let go.

Think about the tomatoes I'm growing in my garden. I can't force them to ripen faster, but I can water them consistently, maintain good soil, and remove weeds. Expecting the plant to grow on my timeline? Frustration. Focusing on the care I provide? Agency.

The Two Types of Expectations

Lower your bar for outcomes. You can't control how people respond, whether the market cooperates, or whether timing works out. High expectations here just set you up for disappointment.

Raise your bar for effort. This is your domain. Your consistency. Your willingness to learn. Your decision to show up even when it's hard. Here, high expectations create growth, not suffering. Because now you control both the expectation and your ability to meet it.

Most people do the opposite – they're brutal about results they can't control but soft on the effort they can.

I've seen this in my own writing. Early on, I'd feel disappointed when a piece didn't get the traction I hoped for. But once I shifted my focus – demanding I show up to write authentically each day, whilst releasing attachment to how people responded – everything changed. The work improved because I stopped wasting energy on what I couldn't control and put it into what I could instead.

Mark Cuban captures this beautifully

I’ve been sleeping much better lately.

Here's the counterintuitive reality: when you stop obsessing over outcomes and focus entirely on improving your inputs, the outputs naturally improve.

You redirect your finite time and energy into what actually makes a difference. And if you’re consistently iterating and improving on the inputs, the outputs take care of themselves.

High expectations for effort.

Low expectations for outcome.

This is how you find both the drive to improve and the peace to let go.

Your Turn

This week, pick one outcome you're obsessing over. Write it down, then cross it out. Below it, write the one daily action within your control. That's your new scoreboard.

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