Micro Misconcepts

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The Contentment Equation I Wish I Learned Earlier

21st November 2025 | misconcepts.org

I think about this quote constantly.

"Expectation is the mother of all frustration." – Antonio Banderas

Picture this: You order a delicious-sounding dish at a restaurant. When it arrives, it’s nothing like you imagined. Suddenly you’re disappointed, maybe even angry, even though seconds ago you were buzzing with excitement.

What changed? Only one thing – the gap between what you expected and what you got.

This happens everywhere. Whenever you feel frustrated or disappointed, it's because reality hasn't met your expectations. Relationships, work projects, even simple meals out – it's always the same equation.

Your expectations work like a debt reality must repay. The bigger your expectations, the bigger the debt, and the less likely reality can pay it back in full.

Here's the kicker: you can't control the outcome (reality), but you can control your expectations.

Charlie Munger knew this when he said:

"The first rule of a happy life is low expectations. If you have unrealistic expectations, you're going to be miserable your whole life."

Most of us create our own misery by continuously widening the gap. We’re always increasing our expectations as previous ones are met.

This plays out most clearly in the 2x salary fallacy. No matter what you earn, you always think doubling it would make you happier. But when you get there? The goalpost moves again. Always 2x more.

Tim Urban sums up the equation elegantly:

"Happiness equals reality minus expectations."

The pattern is clear:

High expectations → more likely unmet → suffering

Low expectations → more likely met → contentment

I’ve learned this the hard way. For years, I'd get upset when my mum didn't understand my perspective. "Why can't she just see it?" I'd think. But once I realised I was expecting someone from a different generation and upbringing to think exactly like me, everything shifted.

Same conversations. Different relationship.

Your Turn

When frustration hits this week, pause and ask yourself: "Is reality wrong, or are my expectations unrealistic?"

Then identify one expectation you can lower. Just one.

P.S. I know what some of you are thinking: "Won't lowering my expectations make me settle for less?" Great question.

Next week, I'll share where I've learned to aim high and where I've learned to let go – the difference between expectations for effort vs outcomes.

Thanks for reading!

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MICRO MISCONCEPTS

Misconcepts 020 - The Contentment Equation I Wish I Learned Earlier

Micro Misconcepts

The Contentment Equation I Wish I Learned Earlier

Charlie Munger knew this when he said:

Tim Urban sums up the equation elegantly:

Your Turn

Misconcepts 021 - Where to Aim High (and Where to Let Go)

Misconcepts 019 - Three Ways to Feel Grateful When Lists Stop Working

Misconcepts 018 - The Real Cost of Your “Yes”