#002

18th April 2025

The most common trap for wasting life resources

Worrying about what other people think of you.

We are biologically wired to care what other people think of us. But an instinct that once ensured our survival within tribes now often leads us astray. When we worry about what anyone and everyone thinks of us, we put ourselves on a dangerous trajectory because:

1) We risk compounding in the wrong direction

When we make decisions based on our fear of what others think of us, we risk making decisions based on fleeting emotions rather than rational thinking. Our subsequent decisions and actions are misaligned with what we truly want, compounding us towards the wrong destination (away from our true life goals).

2) We waste limited life resources

Time wasted on rumination that we could've spent on more meaningful pursuits. Mental resource depleted on imagined criticisms, reducing our headspace for what matters. Physical resource depleted from the stress of constant worry.

The reality is that most people are probably not even thinking about you because they are too busy thinking about themselves.

There's also the fact that you can't read minds. This means can never really know what other people think about you. You are worrying about what you think others think of you. You are taxing yourself based on stories you've created.

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Olin Miller on a harsh but liberating reality

How to shift this default

Three strategies to shift your worrying default:

1. Look Outside-In: When we are the protagonist, we tend to blow things out of proportion because our ego is at stake. Reframe your situation by viewing it as if you were observing someone else. Would it seem as dramatic then?
2. Stop Flattering Yourself: Most people are probably not even thinking about you. The spotlight effect (a psychological bias that makes you think everyone is watching or judging you when they're usually not) might be at play. You feel like a spotlight is on you but in reality, most people are too focused on themselves to even notice. Find liberty in the fact that no one cares.
3. Zoom Out: When you are stuck in rumination and worry, zoom out 1, 2, or even 5 years from now and ask yourself if this moment will still matter then. Emotional intensity fades with time and perspective.

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What is one thing you would do differently if you knew no one was watching?

Thanks for reading!

Learn more at https://misconcepts.kit.com/67493256c0​

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