Micro Misconcepts

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The Real Cost of Your “Yes”

7th November 2025 | misconcepts.org

For years, I said yes to things I wanted to say no to. Dinner invitations that drained me. Social activities I had no interest in. Why? I feared saying no would push people away.

Growing up as a bit of a loner, I craved social acceptance. So I chased it through people-pleasing. But little did I know that my forced yeses weren't just draining me, they were also impeding the social connections I was trying to build.

The counterintuitive reality I discovered: When you're honest about what you want - even when it disappoints - people learn something invaluable. Your words have meaning. Your no means no. Your yes means yes. No hidden agenda. No fake enthusiasm. They can trust you. And funnily enough, they end up valuing your “yes” more because they know it’s real.

From a life resource perspective, honesty is the better strategy:

• You save mental resource from not crafting plausible-sounding excuses when declining.
• You save mental resource from not attending events whilst pretending to be engaged.
• You reclaim time from obligations you never genuinely wanted.
• You attract relationships with people who value the authentic you, not a performed version.

That's not just a win-win. That's four wins. And considering how finite our life resources are, that matters.

Being honest about what you want brings short-term pain but long-term gain.

Psychologist Laurie Santos perfectly captures this tension with what she calls the "yes, damn" versus "no, yay" effect. You know the feeling. You agree to something, then when it appears on your calendar, you think "damn." Or you decline something, and when that day arrives, you think "yay, I don't have to do that!"

The solution is simpler than you think. Just be honest. You don't need plausible-sounding reasons or elaborate excuses. A simple “No, thank you” or “I'd rather not” is enough.

And if someone gets upset at your honesty, I love entrepreneur Alex Hormozi’s response: “Would you rather I lie to you?” It puts the choice back on them. And honestly? Their reaction is data on whether they're worth keeping close. So that’s another win.

Making the Change

Here's your challenge this week: The next time someone invites you to something you don't want to do, simply say no. No elaborate excuse. No fake reason. Just honest decline. Notice what happens. Notice who respects it and who doesn't.

Your life is too short for obligatory yeses. What's one thing you've been saying yes to that deserves an honest no?

Thanks for reading!

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